Tuesday, July 29, 2008

How To Leave Your Husband / Wife

It kinda disturbs me....ok, it REALLY disturbs me that I sign on to msn and see articles on how to leave your spouse. Why does committment, love, marriage not have any more meaning than that of a lark these days? It makes me real sad. Why do people jump ship at the slightest sign of trouble? Do people even know how to love anymore? Or the point of it? I dunno.....as I said, makes me sad. I mean, if you are uncertain, if you have doubts, then don't marry the person for goodness sakes! If your not sure you want to commit, DONT!! If you don't know for sure that you love someone, don't tell them you do. Instead people do whatever strikes their fancy at the moment, and then just parachute out when something they never really knew if they wanted didn't work out. What a waste of time for all involved. I believe in Love. I believe in Commitment. I wish the world in general did too.


therzo said...

The sooner people understand that "love" is a ridiculous concept the sooner marriages in this part of the world will last longer.

The idea of a marriage is supposed to be to create a family. That has nothing to do with love. To try to make that commitment be bound by this concept of love is (was) the beginning of the end of the western family.

Until about 100 years ago marriage was mostly "arranged" or set up by two families that saw it as a benefit for both parties involved; this was pretty much throughout the world. The concept is still in practice through much of the world including the western world (look at the Royals and even many filthy rich American "royals"). These arrangements tend to last longer than "love" marriages.

If you have to believe in the idea of love then you have to believe that you can learn to love someone.

People in the western world are too preoccupied with the self and desire personal gratification more than familial gratification.

So, I think ads like the one you speak of are simply preying on the weak-minded, and it's really quite comical.

Erin said...

"People in the western world are too preoccupied with the self and desire personal gratification more than familial gratification."

I cannot agree with you more on this quote...not only does it seem to be personal gratification these days but INSTANT gratification at that.

I do believe you can learn to love someone, but being raised in the society we live in, cannot imagine marrying someone I did not love. That being said, I think if people realized that no one is perfect, and everyone is at sometime going to piss you off, they might take marriage more seriously? I dunno. I'm not really one to talk having broken up my "family" because of a huge lack of love, but still...it's buggin' me.

joz said...

Love is a process not a state of being. You fall in lust with someone, and if they are compatible you make the commitment to fall in love. The commitment means you will work at your relationship even when you don't feel "in lust" you work at being in love.

The person you "fell in love" with is not going to be the person you are with 15 years later. Love is the process of working together to stay together.

Not as cynical as it sounds. Too many crappy films propagate the myth of "the One". There is no way there can be only One soul mate for you otherwise she may be living in a hut in Ghanna. Why does The One always live in the same city as you. I believe there are many compatible people, but once you have made your commitment you keep it.

Now of course there are exceptions to every rule, like if hubby starts beating wifey with frying pan etc, but I think you are both right when you point at the instant gratification being such a problem in western culture.

I see too many marriages start after only knowing a person for a year. That is a mistake unless the people are committed to the idea of love as process. Getting married after knowing each other for a very short time worked in arranged marriages, because both parties were committed. I know of several couple that have been married for more than 30 years and they had been arranged marriages. I also know several couples that separated after getting married after only being together for a year.

Love is not instant gratification, it is a journey.

Erin said...

Very well said Jon. Your right, it IS a journey and it's the committment that is lacking in todays world. Plus the feeling of entitlement, that one should always be "made" happy. When happiness, especially in a relationship is both partners responsibility, to each other and themselves.

My parents got married after knowing each other only 6 months. But like you pointed out, they made the commitment and meant it. They had some rough times along the way but never did they consider (out loud at least) giving up. They were commited to each other and their family.

It just seems that people in general don't realize this anymore. That changes in your partner over time are not bad, your not being duped, it's natural and keeps things from getting stale. What kind of journey would it be if the scenery was exactly the same all along it?

Duncan said...

Erin - I can't believe you told Jon about the frying pan! And I thought this was love...

Erin said...

Well baby, I had to talk to someone.....and I'm running out of excuses to explain the bruises...*sob*

Anonymous said...

I believe...I believe....!!!!

The heart is not something to be played with...